Looking for something more substantial over the Sunday morning breakfast table than a cinnamon roll, I selected a banana. When someone remarked that bananas were rather sweet and sugary themselves, I planted my tongue firmly in my cheek and retorted: "Yeah, but I can only just stand to eat bananas, which means I can feel really good about myself afterward."Behind each jest there usually lies a grain of truth. Contemplating my (FEEL GOOD. GIVE BLOOD.) cup this evening, I begin to see the glimmer of rightness behind Sunday morning's joke. Quite frankly, it inspires a greater uneasiness than its herbaceously-originating subject.
It doesn't kill me to eat a banana. Sometimes, if it's too ripe or soft (read: slimy), I might be fighting a very strong impulse to gag, but I can swallow them and I usually don't aspirate out of panic or allergic reaction or any such crisis. I step away from them feeling healthy and wholesome ... victorious, even.
But I have a nagging suspicion that I order my life according to bananas. (The frequent association of this particular fruit with my name is purely irony on God's part, I think.) I do my best to only swallow those things that will make me feel bad enough while doing them so that I can feel good about doing them later.
Bananas don't break me. They make me feel a little bad, but mostly good - and I don't need to feel good about myself. I don't need to have my futile ideals about my own ability to muscle through things sustained for a moment, however fleeting. God knows I need to be broken. Thank God! He knows. I suppose I can take that as a guarantee that my stupid attempts to live a banana-lifestyle will certainly fail.
Please, God. No more bananas.
As for me, I said in my prosperity, "I shall never be moved." By your favor, O Lord, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed. -Psalm 30:6-7
I love bananas. Real bananas that is. We have always had banana trees in our garden and they bear the most amazing fruit. Shop-bought bananas are pale and insipid (and tasteless) in comparison.
But what you say is true. There are times when we will endure stuff that is a little uncomfortable because it makes us feel good - like we've achieved some special feat. Oh how proud, self-centred and foolish we can be! The time of real testing will come - beleive me I know about it, and that's when our petty toleration of uncomfortable things shows up for what it is. When asked to endure something we really can't bear, is when we truly learn to rely on God our sustainer.
I am sorry this was a very deep post, and I should have some polite complement to post or some scholarly comment, but I don't. (My brain must not be in gear yet.) Your posts are just always well thought out and thought-provoking. Just that sort of Awesome.
All I can think to reply is "I liked Banana's, that is until my family started calling me (insertLillynamehere) Banana." Thus I despised the fruit and and the name. Now I only eat them occasionally. (and now I can feel good about myself that I posted replies to both blog posts I read. ;)
Thanks for the good post--for seeing the whole world around you from that always thought-provoking perspective.
Don't forget the rest of the Psalm: "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosened my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness that my glory may sing to You and not be silent...." :o)