Anyway, so out I go, whether to clear my head or just blatantly avoid homework stuff you can decide. I am halfway down the road that runs the length of our property when I realize that there are six or seven deer in the neighbor's yard and half of them are crowding in the road, skittishly eying me. Well, I'm feeling in a good mood (benevolent towards the critters and all that) so I decide, 'ah, may as well just walk about on my property and not go chase them off.' So I turn off the road and begin wandering about on the flat part of our land which we've dubbed The Soccer Field (not in any way to be confused with The Gully, which is on one end of our property, or The Trees, which are nearest to the house). Mostly I look at the ground, now and then looking to the sky to (jealously?) stare at the half-moon which is blue with early-morning fog. 'Midst my musings I get the crawling sensation I'm being watched, so I whip about (oh the hair-whipping coat-swirling drama!) and BAM.
Messrs Deer, Deer, Deer, and Whitetail (the only one of them who was not an immediate family relation) with a few of the Deer sisters are all lining the border between our property and the next and just staring.
I don't mean 'yeah, they're sort of facing my direction, so if I play this up in my mind a bit they could all be looking at me...' When I say staring, I mean STARING.
I could feel their malice even with The Gully between us. Weren't they just...all the way over...there? Aren't deer supposed to...run away? Like, as in, 'FEAR THE HUMAN!'?
I was so startled I took a step back (to better assess the situation, of course), and they each took a step forward! Sensing that something dramatic was about to occur, I took two more steps backward and held my breath. Two steps forward took the deer.
My dramatic-occurrence-sensor pulsing wildly, I glared at the deer with all the 'fear me! I am human!' sentiment I could muster. The words You shall not pass! lingered in my throat, ready to spring from my lips, but I had no staff to kathunk in defiance, no weapon at all save my mp3 player and a nearby soccer ball. It seemed that the words Er, now, I'm sure we can all be reasonable here were more ready in the coming...
"Or perhaps, you know, equal opportunity for man and beast to traipse about these grassy hills, surely that's a noble sentiment... Er, yes, quite noble, and I'll be going now," I said aloud to the looming deer, who merely took a few more steps toward me. The Gully was still between them and me, but their malice was felt even across that distance. "Mind The Pit," I said helpfully, gesturing towards the six-plus foot deep cavern my brothers and I had labored on over the years. With any luck, one would fall in, and I could interrogate him later (hopefully Messr. Whitetail, as he looked to be the most skittish of the lot). That would make for an impassioned scene, and maybe I could get one of my siblings to play the good cop...
My mind buzzing with battle plans and in no way adopting a retreat mentality (of course), I turned and walked calmly toward the house, keenly aware of eyes following me. When I was to The Trees, I turned and found the deer slowly retreating as well. Perhaps I had intimidated them as well - but I think not, for I could see their smug faces and almost hear their equally-smug remarks:
"Ha ha! We showed her! No one's gonna mess with the deer again!"
"Yeah, that showed her--"
"Shut up, Whitetail, you were on the verge of bolting the whole time!"
"Was not!"
Chasing deer seemed better than the chemistry that awaited me inside. I sighed for a pair of good running shoes and an electric cattle prod as I made my way slowly beneath the trees and into the garage.
(The events given in this story are true, if perhaps dramatised or even (though improbably) exaggerated.)
Oh, my, that's hilarious!!!! I've heard that the deer out there are rather brazen, but still...
*laughs* (My brain can't come up with anything more responsive right now....)
I kept waiting for you to write that a hunter took aim (or maybe even a shot) at you, what with your description of the brown coat and all. At least that didn't happen, right? That noted, it's a good thing you weren't dressed up like an ear of corn....