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Scribbled Snippets: Mad as a March Harrowing


“Preparing to sacrifice myself to the imbecilic causes of society,” replied Archie, his face like that of the man who discovered hope’s sepulchre. -Beginnings

Their eyes met, and he found no sympathy in the other’s gaze, only a singular earnestness and clarity of understanding. The look was like the statement that followed: “A providential stalemate, I call that. Not that there is nothing to be done about it; rather, you have no excuse for sulking.” -The Brew

“That is a novel idea—if by novel you mean no less than a hundred of them, all written by over-imaginative females and no longer selling well.” -Beginnings

“Peace in small things and small steps - not just patience, girl, but peace. You must seek it not only in the calm in a squall, but also in the soaring wings of the symphony that's meant to light up your ears when all the songs of your life clang like water torture. Not a maelstrom of emotions, nor even refuge from the same in tedium: peace. He gave it to you - entrusted it to you. If you are unhappy, it is because you have buried it when you should be spending it. That bed of dirt beneath which you have hidden it, all your sensations of normalcy and control - that is not peace. Yet peace is yours; you cannot live without it, and you cannot get it without breaking the sod of a well-ordered facade. Are you unhappy? Small wonder! You might as well bury your kidneys and then wonder why you feel wretched." -Unknown 

To the solitary man trudging along the dim road, the figures of farmers and herdsmen could be seen slowly plodding from their doors, bringing their wearily blinking lanterns and offspring in tow. -Beginnings

“I do not deny that,” Falcon ran a hand across his face and flung it up in a gesture of surrender. “In my defense, I have always intended strictly—strictly—to avoid taking advantage of the situation, but what of such a defense? Can I deny that by such intentions I have very effectively gone about paving a road to the very hell of hells? I cannot, nor would I. A fool I may be; better a fool than a coward ingrown on a diet of lies.” -The Brew

His schedule he kept meticulous; his living quarters could not have looked more untidy if the four walls were removed and their contents deposited haphazardly in an alley. The person who rented him the room regularly wondered if the latter event might not constitute an improvement. -Beginnings

“How does one know one’s mind in these things?” The words, finding no suitable exit point through ink, burst from his mouth as he flung the pen across the dismal blank page of half-an-hour’s struggle. “I do not mean that I do not know what I want; I know that perfectly well, with maddening specificity. But to know my wants; that is, to know not only what objects they turn towards but also the comparative rightness or wrongness of the same, whether in them I am deceived or perverse – to weigh them in such a balance with accuracy before action – that is another thing.” -The Brew

“You speak very surely of divine whatevers.” -The Brew

And so Archie walked and let the lad ramble on about his girl and his girl’s frightful father and the rigmarole of their courtship. The perpetually plaintive edge to the other’s voice rubbed Archie quite the wrong way, and he began to progress beyond mild irritation to genuine dislike. ‘I shall wring his neck presently if he does not stop for air soon,’ he thought after a desperate quarter of an hour, but his own courtesy and the gradually accumulating lack of breath on Teddy’s part interceded for a peaceful ending, and Archie found himself clapping his unsullied hands together and saying to a thoroughly living Teddy, with a carelessness that betrayed nothing of the relief he felt, “Look, there’s the college church ahead of us. Good old Belleek, I say!” -Beginnings

“It's your damned pride. No, don't flinch; I'm swearing truly, not vainly. You can ignore what I say in a fussy mock-up of scruples over my language, or you can be instructed by it. Your pride is damned - either it was crucified two thousand years ago and you will keep on killing it, or it lives with you and is waiting to be damned with you. Either way, it's your damned pride, and it's got to go. Take it off, with all your frugal morals and petty expectations. They don't suit you now, and they certainly won't wear well in eternity. You must learn to dress for that, you know, and of course it can't be with your own things - that's why the damned Pride has to go.” -Unknown

The only stop where he did not get off was Derby, and that from principle. Derby housed Belleek’s rival college, and while Archie did not care much about the rivalry he was fond of his few irrational scruples, as some men are fond of cigars. So he spent the time on the train with his upturned nose in a third-rate paper, amusing himself with the state of politics among the ignorant. -Beginnings
Read More 2 Missages | scribbled by Unknown edit post

Of Chains and Cells and Citadels


          I wrote a letter to a friend in prison last night. He is not a martyr. His crime was not honourable. And I did not know what to say to him.
Oh, I found words in the end; not for nothing am I a writer, and writing in spite of a loss for words has become something of a bad habit. I did my best to speak to him as a brother; I told him I loved him, prayed for him, and was as nearly there with him as I could be, simply because of our bonds in Christ.
The whole ordeal made me think of all the ways I talk to my brothers and sisters who are not in prison. I thought of the perpetual paradoxes between all our actions and professions, of the tenuous nature of life in the family of God this side of eternity. Above all, I writhed under a question that never quite ceases to haunt me: is mere respectability a definitive sign of submission to the will of God? Chesterton would say nay, and I (in spite of all my Protestantism) am inclined to believe him.
So I ponder my own discomfort at writing that letter to my friend. It is not a discomfort borne of a new situation; I write plenty of letters, and I know plenty of sinners. I hem and haw and try to philosophize around it, but eventually I reach the inevitable conclusion: this discomfort must be a practiced discomfort, borne of a reluctance to say anything worthwhile to anyone. While they are on this earth, the people I know (reprobate or sainted-sinner) need the Gospel a million times over with each encounter, and I have equal-millions of excuses not to bring it up: I don’t want to seem preachy or judgmental, the time is not convenient, it just seems an awkward topic to begin on…
Maybe if I were more constant in telling the Gospel to myself, I would not be so self-consciously close to passing judgment on others by telling it to them. Maybe if I really believed the Gospel were true, all the time, convenience and awkwardness would simply be simple road-blocks thrown up in a warfare that is distinctly spiritual. Maybe – and this is a real, rocket-science moment – maybe if I actually loved my brother in prison, I would be less reluctant to love him.
These are the sins of a hypocritical evangelical, and I wear them like a fancy blouse, so reluctant to repent of them because I am comfortable in them, and they look so nice; more so because they comprise, alas, a great portion of what I perceive to be my role and attitude as a respectable Christian. Yet repentance must come: the old man, however frilly and respectable, must be put off.
Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn’t be better off in prison, with my sins exposed for all their ugliness, and the cross of Christ coming clearer and clearer.  I need that—need the presence and supremacy of Jesus to stop being a doctrinal point, and be what it is: life, thought, word, deed. I need the Word of God to stop being a daily devotional and become what it is: air and food and water, life-bringing sustenance. I need lies to stop being lovable, and the truth to be all that is desirable.
I suppose I could feel good for writing that letter; chalk it up to another embroidered-flower on the fancy hypocrite’s suit. But I know, in all honesty, I don’t need to go to prison to be a captive. I have enough bars and strongholds in my heart against the King of Glory to build a thousand prisons. And it strikes me that perhaps my brother in prison has not so much to be ashamed of as those of us with fewer civil crimes on our record, who say we are of God and yet cannot find Gospel-words to put into our letters.

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; 
for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God
 whom he has not seen.  
–I John 4:20

Read More 2 Missages | scribbled by Unknown edit post
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